78. Step 2: The Mirror — When You Finally See the Truth in Your Reflection [2 of 6 in the Cool Change Method™ Series]

Speaker A: 00:00:00

There comes a point when you stop asking, am I okay? And start asking, is this who I really am? And if you're brave, if you're really brave, you ask, is this who I want to be? This is the mirror.

Welcome to Cool Change. I'm Chuck Allen. This episode continues.

Our six part series built around the Cool Change method, a framework I developed through years of working with people in transition. People who are ready to move with more clarity, more intention, and more integrity.

Every meaningful transition I've seen has required this moment right after the stirring, when you finally slow down enough to really see. This is the moment of truth. And it begins with the mirror.

Not the kind you pass on your way out the door, the one you avoid, the one you haven't looked into fully, maybe for years. This is the mirror that doesn't show you how you look. It shows you how you're living. And it's not about some soft metaphor.

It's that gut punch of awareness, that jarring moment when you look honestly at yourself, your habits, your patterns, and you stop mistaking good intentions for direction. You stop mistaking momentum for alignment. For me, the mirror came in many forms and one of them was an actual mirror. And I didn't like what I saw.

I joined the Marines right out of high school. Back then I was lean, strong, fit. Then I got married, built a life, chased careers, raised a family like a lot of people do.

And in all that hustle and devotion, I gradually deprioritized my health. It didn't take long. My body, my energy. And here's the thing, I didn't make some conscious decision to let my health slide.

It was death by a thousand small compromises, little choices. Convenience over consistency, fatigue over fitness. And underneath it all, this story I kept telling myself, you're doing enough, you're fine.

That script ran quietly in the background of my life for years. Decades.

Even after being diagnosed with early onset coronary artery disease in my 30s, I convinced myself that I was still mostly healthy, still active enough, still likable, still good enough. But here's what I've learned about the mirror. It doesn't yell at you. It doesn't rush. It just waits.

And a few years ago, in my early 50s, I finally asked my doctors to give it to me straight. Not the sugar coated version, the real deal, to really dial in with my health. And what I heard was basically this.

You have been deluding yourself for a very long time. That was the gist of what I got, even my goal weight, that I was trying to get to was too high.

My metrics were worse than I thought and not getting better. And one of my arteries turns out, over 99% blocked. Another coronary artery nearly closed. The truth? I had barely caught it in time.

And if I had waited even a little longer, if I'd continued to look past the mirror instead of into it, it could have been game over. Now I want to pause here because you might think that's extreme, that's medical, that's not me. But the mirror shows up everywhere.

It might be in a conversation you can't stop replaying. A subtle sense of dread at the start of your week on Sunday night, or a moment when you realize you.

You've lost the spark and you can't remember when it faded. We all have these signals, but most of us get really good at ignoring them. And often we get rewarded for doing so.

Promotions praise the illusion of stability. It becomes easier to believe that everything's okay than to question whether it's true. But eventually, the mirror gets louder.

Life has a way of forcing a reckoning, a breakdown, a burnout, a breakup. A diagnosis. My invitation to you, my hope is that you don't wait for that. That you look now willingly, with kindness and with courage.

In my coaching work, I have found this to be universal. When people slow down long enough to reflect, I mean really reflect, they often find two things.

First, they're not as far from change as they think they are. Big shifts often begin with very small pivots. And second, their good intentions aren't enough. You don't arrive at a destination based on intentions.

You arrive based on the path that you're actually walking. The path itself has a destination, regardless of your intentions. So let me say that again.

You arrive not at the destination you hope for, but at the one your current path is taking you toward. I often ask my clients, if you keep going the way you're going, are you excited about where you're going to end up?

And that question generally stops people cold. Not because they don't know the answer, but because they do. They know. And you probably know, too. So what gets in the way of seeing clearly?

You know, sometimes it's feedback from others, actually, people who love you, people who want you to feel good about yourself. And they say things like, you're doing great. And you take that in as truth. But here's the thing.

Other people's kindness is not always a reliable mirror. Their love doesn't always challenge you. Their comfort doesn't always reflect your truth. And you begin to confuse being liked with being in alignment.

Other times, the obstacle is internal. You've been seeing yourself through a lens shaped by years of conditioning. Your upbringing, culture, past relationships.

And that lens distorts what's real. You become the role you've played. The provider, the achiever, the fixer, the martyr.

And it feels impossible to step back and just ask, who am I right now? And what do I want? These aren't soft questions.

They're scary because they might lead to answers that require change, discomfort, boundaries, or starting over. But the alternative is slow decay, a slow drift away from yourself.

I've watched people shift in powerful ways when they stop playing the role of receiver in their lives and step into being a partner, a designer, a creator. I've seen people reclaim identities they gave up on, becoming expansive, creative, and vibrant again. But that shift always starts here.

Not with a plan, not with a podcast, not with some clever habit hack. It starts with seeing. So here's your invitation. Today, pause and ask yourself, what path am I actually on?

Not the one I hope I'm on, but the one my actions are carving. Am I excited about the person I'm becoming? If nothing changes, where does this lead? And do I like that destination?

If the answer is no good, that means you are awake. That means you're looking.

And if you're feeling overwhelmed by what you see, if the gap between who you are and who you want to be feels too big, just remember, the mirror doesn't judge you. It just offers you a choice. You don't have to overhaul your life overnight.

You just have to stop lying to yourself, to stop pretending that you're okay when you're not. Stop mistaking progress in one area for wholeness. In your life, you can be wildly successful and still be off course.

You can be deeply loved and still be lost. The mirror isn't here to shame you. It's here to wake you up. And that awakening, that awareness, that's the beginning of everything.

In the next episode, we'll talk about what to do with that truth, how to disrupt the scripts that no longer serve you. But for now, just pause. Be honest. Be still. Be willing to see. The mirror is not your enemy. It is your turning point. And it's been waiting for you.

Until next time, I'm Chuck Allen and and this is cool. Change.