81. Step 5: The Practice — When You Rewrite Your Rhythm, One Small Choice at a Time (5 of 6 in the Cool Change Method™ Series)

Speaker A: 00:00:00

Hey, it's Chuck. Welcome back to Cool Change. If you've been following this series, then you know that we've been walking through the Cool Change method.

Six phases that I use in coaching to help people navigate major life transitions and design a life that actually fits. So far we've covered the stirring when something under the surface starts to ask for your attention.

The mirror where we get radically honest about what's working and what's not. The disruption.

The courageous move to stop blaming and start steering the design when we begin imagining what could be different and how we want to live. And now we arrive at the practice. This is where clarity becomes consistency, where the aha becomes a again.

And where we start living the life we imagined and not just talking about it. Here's what I want to say right off the bat. Change doesn't happen because we understand something. Change happens because we practice something.

And that's true whether we're trying to break a habit, install a new belief, or show up differently in a role or a relationship.

This is the phase where the work shifts from thinking about who you want to become to actually walking that out in your daily life, quietly, repetitively, imperfectly.

I coach a lot of high capacity people, smart, capable, thoughtful folks who often come into coaching hoping for a sophisticated plan, a multi pronged strategy, some kind of elaborate growth map with color coded focus areas. And while we may absolutely explore a variety of meaningful areas, I often have to say the key to progress is elimination.

The key to focus is elimination. Because in the moment when you're at that familiar fork in the road, when your old habit wants to take the wheel, you don't need 10 reminders.

You need one. I tell my clients, when your feet hit the floor in the morning, ask yourself two things. What am I going to stop doing today?

What am I going to start doing today? That's it. Not eventually, not once. It's convenient today.

Because until you install that clarity right up front, your default wiring will run the show. And that wiring is strong, it's efficient, doesn't need your permission. Which brings me to one of my favorite metaphors for this stage.

Firmware and software. Your software is what you're learning. It's the ideas you're integrating. It's everything you're reading, listening to, journaling about.

But your firmware, that's deeper. That is your operating system. That's what you fall back on when life gets fast or stress shows up. And here's the hard truth.

You can update your software all day long, but if you never take the time to rewrite your firmware, you'll keep looping back to old patterns. That's why the practice isn't just about behavior. It's about belief. You've heard me say this before. Beliefs drive behavior.

And if you want different outcomes in your life, you can't just white knuckle your way into new actions. You have to examine and upgrade the beliefs beneath them. You have to pause and ask, what would I need to believe in order to behave differently?

What belief would make this new choice feel obvious instead of hard? This is a muscle you build, and it's part of the practice. Let me give you a personal example.

When my wife, Rilla, took a new job in Oregon, we were living in Atlanta, and one of my daughters was still in high school there. And I realized that just because we were ready for a new chapter didn't mean I got to vanish from hers.

And so for the next three and a half years, I lived on a plane. Basically. A week in Atlanta, a week in Oregon, back and forth, month after month, year after year.

Not because it was easy, not because I liked airports, but because I had a belief that deep down that presence matters, that being known as a father was more important than being a convenient one. And because I had that belief, the practice followed. Here's the thing. We're all practicing something.

You might be practicing defensiveness or avoidance or hustle or self sabotage. Or you might be practicing honesty, courage, forgiveness, joy, self trust. The difference is not just in the action. It's in the underlying belief.

And so this stage of the journey asks us to consciously choose what we're practicing and what we're reinforcing underneath it. If this sounds slow or small, that's because it is. This is the unglamorous part of change. It's the part no one claps for.

It's not about a breakthrough. It's about follow through. One of the biggest traps I see people fall into in this stage is what I call the novelty addiction.

We crave the new, the fresh insight, the exciting idea. I'm right there with you. But sustainable transformation, that's not new. It's repeated. It's not flashy. It's faithful. So what can you do?

Here's what I recommend. Simple and doable. You pick one belief to install something like my presence matters.

Or I don't have to earn rest, or I already have everything I need to start. Number two. Pick one behavior to reinforce it. Maybe it's pausing for a breath before replying. Maybe it's 20 minutes of movement.

Maybe it's leaving your phone in the other room during dinner. Third thing. Name it aloud. Every morning, before the noise starts, before your autopilot kicks in. Say it, see it, anchor it, and listen.

If you fall out of rhythm, you're not broken. You're human. The point of the practice isn't perfection.

It's returning, coming back to your intention again and again until it starts to feel natural. That's how new firmware gets written, One repetition at a time. Let me leave you with this. The person you want to become isn't hiding from you.

They're waiting to be rehearsed over and over until the rehearsal becomes reality. You don't need a new plan. Oftentimes you need a new pattern. And that's what we practice. Thank you for listening today.

If this episode hit home, please share it with someone who's in the thick of trying to live a little more on purpose. Someone who's doing the quiet, boring, beautiful work of practice. And next time we wrap up the series with the sixth part.

It's going to be episode 82, the integration, when all these small moments start to take root in your identity. Until then, I'll see you on the path.